The closing chapter of James

I think when it comes to long term relationships, I have bad luck. It's at the point I am continuously reminded why I am alone, not so much why I am alone, but why I choose to be alone...there, that's worded better. First Aaron, 2 and half years of my life spent with him, and that took a turn for the worst in 2003. Then there was James, who I dated while on the rebound. I am fault for that, I never gave myself time to heal from the previous relationship. So I used James for convenience, to fill up that empty void... but he eventually grew on me. On and off for 12 months was spent with him, and it's to the point now where I just want to hurt him when I think about him. Our break up was gradual, it was inevitable, and maybe subconsciously I knew this but was in denial. It's funny how we tend to stay in toxic relationships, relationships that tear us down and wear us out, spending more time sad than happy. And no matter how hard you try and tear away from that kind of environment, it seems that you can't let go, giving yourself the bullshit excuse "well maybe he'll change this time". That's my personal experience anyway. I feel like shit right now because I do care about him, but I know in the long run it will only be for the best. I'm starting off a new year with new resolutions, and my first resolution is to follow the rest of my resolutions...the closing chapter of James can only be good for me, because our situation couldn't have gotten much worse.