My mom,sisters and I went to the Mall of Louisiana today. It was sort of like a girls day out kinda thing. We were originally suppose to go to Mississippi, but plans changed...either way, I knew we'd end up spending a bunch of money that we shouldn't have. My mom didn't get the job in Colorado like I had hoped, but she still wants to move out of our house anyway. She put a bid on a house not far from here in hopes of getting it, which means saving money. Well, with the 4 of us, we blew a thousand or two. When we shop, we shop big...if there is such a thing. I came home with a few accessories, some clothes, crap I really didn't need. But I'll take it all the same.

A girl from my job was fired today. I didn't even work today, but I heard it about it as soon as I got home...that's how messy people are at my job. I was kind of surprised by this, because 99.99999999999% of the people at my job, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get fired. They always quit. The reason behind her being fired, or at the GM will rarely put it :your services are no longer needed, was because she cursed back at a customer who cursed her out. It's actually pretty common for customers to curse out our employees, but that's why people like ME are there to deal with irate customers. I've been cursed out loads of times, it doesn't phase me like it would most people. There have been a few incidents where the employees might curse back at a customer, I unfortunately have no control of that, I can only deal with the customer, and then the employee. But no one has been fired because they went back and forth between a customer, maybe because we get a lot of ignorant black people who don't know how to act. Or maybe because we have GREAT security guards who just throw their bums out the door.<----I know I said bums, I'm trying to refrain from cursing :). So why was this girl of all people the only one to be fired for cursing out a customer who probably deserved it in more than one way? Why...our dear old managment team, none other than Bitchy McBitch Bitch and Therass. I haven't talked about my job lately, things for me have gone rather smoothly, mainly because I keep to myself. But it still pisses me off that we have people with authority who will abuse the hell out of it. It's not fair. It's not right. I've been stressed out and and angry about the people who sit in that office and screw everything up for everyone else because they don't want to act like adults. It's almost sickening. I was suspended because of these two tackheads, and a girl was fired because in reality, it was more of a personal vendetta. Anyone else would have been transferred to another department or suspended...not this girl, she was fired, and all because of these two.

I don't know what's more embarassing, his mom seeing me in just a t-shirt or the wrapper in the blankets

The usual randomness...maybe I'll start a randomness post once a week

Did the usual, went to work, came home. Except tonight, me, him, Amber, and Amber's friend Sydni played card games for about 2 hours. It was fun. At the present moment he's knocked out on the couch, sleeping with the pups.

My stalker has gone to calling me restricted again, but I think I know who it is...someone who has no life, and is extremely LAME and immature. So I'm changing my number, for those of who you have already have my CELL number, IM me and I'll give you the new one.

I think I might've found a job, but I'm not saying anything yet just in case I jinx it, I hope to leave The Grand and all it's dramatics soon...very soon...

He is about to start truck driving school. It's like a 12 week class that he has to take, and then he'll start driving trucks around the states. This sux because he said he will most likely only be home 6 weeks out the year :(. It's kind of depressing, because we've been talking about getting a place of our own (this is how serious it is), so I'll be holed up in OUR apartment or house by myself for 10 months or so.

The pain of jealousy lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy. Don`t let the little people underneath you tell you what you`re worth-unknown

This is one of my favorite quotes. It's just a constant reminder that people aren't perfect, and we'r'e all different. I can't expect any more...so I just wait for those around me to catch up. I re-read the last post from yesterday, and I'm disappointed in myself. I actually gave James energy. He is no longer in my life, I cut off commmunication with him a long time ago. I don't care what he thinks of me, I broke up with him for a reason, because he was a lousy boyfriend, and a poor excuse for a human being. I vowed to myself that I would not entertain people like him, I don't have time for their immaturity and negativity. They can't hurt me unless I allow them to.

Ok I feel guilty...

I was on the computer, and I came across this note book. When I opened it, there we a few poems in it. So I started reading. I recgonized my sister's handwriting, and instantly felt bad because I never knew she was interested in writing. Then the poems changed into a journal, and yes, I feel guilty because I read one entry. I feel as if I don't know my sister, I never would have known she has low self-esteem, or that she contemplated suicide. Just from this one entry I can see she was going through a lot, nothing that she's ever discussed with me or Whitney. Most of what she wrote about what how unhappy she was, and how much my mother hurts her (not physically). I can only sympathize with her because I can almost relate to how she feels when it comes to my mom. I won't lie and say that our home is a happy home. We do have our ups and downs, more than I like. I've noticed over the past few months that my mom's "depression" has become more obvious, because when she is angry or upset, she usually takes it out on me. I'm use to it, 5 years ago I let her run over me, but now I stand my ground. When that happens, she turns to someone else she can push around that won't push back, and that's usually Amber. Amber told me yesterday that she wanted to go live with my step-father. When I asked her why, she just said she doesn't want to live in New Orleans anymore. I believed her, because we all said we'd move out of state in a second if we could. But she was afraid to bring it up to my mom because knowing mother dearest, she'll probably have this nasty attitude and hold it against Amber. I'm afraid to say anything to Amber because it's pretty clear from reading her journal that she's emotionally unstable, but if I don't say anything, then it'll probably just get worse. I'm going to talk with Whitney before I say anything tho, she and I could probably talk to Amber together...well enough of the sad stuff...on to something that's been on my mind...


JAMES. And no, not in a good way. I did a post awhile ago, it was more like a declaration, or an explanation, whatever, I was just venting because his skull is thick enough to crack concrete. I thought it was the actually ending of James and I, I mean, in my life, he doesn't exist. I've moved on, I have a boyfriend that I'm falling in love with. James is never on my mind, until today. This dude is bitter. According to a friend of mine, and it's hearsay , first he asked if she's seen me lately, and according to her, she just rolled her eyes. Then he makes a comment:if I had known about Quinn, I would have never been involved with her. I'm like wtf? What do you mean if you had known about me, I mean, from another point of view, it sounds like I have some kind of disease that I've gotten from being promiscuous or something. Is he really that upset that I didn't consider being with him anymore? I don't going around telling people bad things about him. Whatever, that dude is a loser. He just needs to get over himself. He's almost as arrogant as my sperm donor, they should be together and bless the world with their lameness.

Changes...

A few weeks ago I gave up cursing, and as hard as I thought that might've been, because it's usually a slip of the tongue, it's been easier than expected. Of course, when I almost slip up, I usually substitute the actual word for something that sounds really dorky, like f'ing or stupid butt. LOL, I'm such a loser...but anyways, I was surprised at myself that after being called a "stupid black woman" that I didn't have the urge to curse out this ignorant lady like she deserved. I was at the nail shop yesterday, doing the usual pampering, when this lady came in with crutches. You really couldn't tell what was wrong with her, except that she walked with only one foot, hence the crutches. She asked for an overlay and a pedicure. The Asian lady who was running the shop at the time asked if she would be able to get in and out of the chair, and if she would be able to move her feet like so because all women know, the massage chairs sit high, and you have to continuously put your feet in and out of the water. This lady already had an attitude, you could tell because she snapped at her husband and her son when she walked in the door for something minor it seemed. The conversation went something like this...

Ignorant Lady-Should I take my business some place else?(threatning tone)
Asian Lady-It's up to you, we don't want to you to hurt yourself anymore than you already are...
Ignorant Lady-Why would you try to hurt me?
Asian Lady-We wouldn't try to hurt you, I'm just asking because the chair is high and I'm looking out for your well being
Ignorant Lady-Well, I'll just go somewhere else
Asian Lady-ok

The ignorant lady decides to walk away, but not before muttering something about she was okay to get a pedicure and it really up to her to decide her "well being". Well,you would think that would be the end of that. 5 minutes later the husband comes back in and askes for a business card. The Asian lady tells him they're out, but he can come back tomorrow for one if he liked. Then he walks outside, takes down the number of the shop, walks away. Another 5 minutes pass and the ignorant lady comes back in. That conversation went something like this...

Ignorant Lady- My husband asked you for a business card, give me your business card
Asian Lady- We don't have anymore at the moment
Ignorant Lady- Whatever. Do you normally turn away disabled customers, because that's discrimination. I just talked to my lawyer, and he said to get a business card from you.
Asian Lady- Like I said before, we don't have any
Ignorant Lady- This is discrimination. Y'all need to go back to your own country

A bunch of stuff was yelled in Vietnamese, apparently she offended them. They threatened to call the cops, then she threatened to call the cops, a few curse words were exchanged, and she still made no attempt to leave, despite the fact they asked her about 10 times to get out.
Ignorant Lady-Y'all are wrong, ask anyone in here.
Me-No they aren't.

It got quiet. Uh-oh, it's about to be a girlfight...

Ignorant Lady-Tell me why they ain't wrong
Me-They didn't turn you away, you chose to go somewhere else.
Ignorant Lady-What high school did you graduate from because you don't have any common sense, you're a stupid black woman
Me-(I laugh) Oh okay
Ignorant Lady- (said something that I couldn't understand)
Me-(laughs again)I'm the stupid one? You're the one calling your lawyer because you can't get in a chair. You're probably the type of person who looks for ways to sue other people with fake injuries, take your ignorant black behind some place else where they tolerate stupidity.
Ignorant Lady- I hope this injury comes back on your family.
Me- (I laugh again) Have a blessed day

You would have thought that was the end of it. Nope. The husband comes back in a second time and tells the Asains his wife is making a formal complaint against the shop. Everyone just laughed at him. It was really pathetic. This lady was serious. My sister told me after we left the shop that she had stopped her iPOD just to listen to the conversation, and she was about to jump in too because I was the only one to speak up...as usual. I wasn't even mad at the lady, I mean, she was funny to me. This lady was really dumb in a pathetic way. I hope she did have a blessed day tho, she needed Jesus.

I've tried making a habit of getting up at 6:30 in the morning and going swimming for a half hour. It's part of my plan to get back "in shape",but I find it takes a toll on my hair, apparently chlorine isn't good for my hair.

My sleeping habits are way off, I'm only get about 4 hours of sleep at night, wake up at 6 as usual, then get tired again around 2 just to sleep until 7. My mom suggested I take sleeping pills.

I can't wait until Natasha Bedingfield's cd comes out, I sampled it and simply fell in love with it.

My sister Amber comes home today, I missed her. She went and stayed with my step-dad for about 3 weeks, and with only Whitney and I here, I could feel the major difference. Amber and I are a lot closer than Whitney and I. She's like my other half, me at 16.

I think I waited almost a year when I found out the Harry Potter book was coming out, it was sort of like waiting for Christmas to come when you're 5 years old, trying to stay up all night so you can get a glimpse of Santa. Well, after the long wait, I've finished the 650 page book in less than 2 days, I bought the book at 2am on Saturday, and finished it at 4pm today. The book was far from a disappointment, but I am disappointed because there's no more mystery, no more anticipation, well, not until the last installment comes out anyway. I was farely depressed to say the most at the end of the book, I won't spoil it for those who haven't read it yet, but a MAJOR character died, and it was like losing a friend in a way. I actually started crying (don't laugh at me (c:).


In other news, I was so close to just quitting my job. I was planning on just going to the office and handing in my Grand Polo shirt and my keycard, walking around in my uniform pants and my bra. I had to TALK myself OUT of quitting. Nothing in particular triggered this sudden urge, I've felt this way for some time now as some of you may know. If it wasn't for this one bill, I would have quit, and the only reason for that being I wouldn't have the usual incoming cash flow. I wouldn't be without money, I'd be taken care of easily by him. However I am not a dependent person, and would never rely on anyone to do anything for me, not even my own mother. So I told myself I'll just quit when I find something better. Hopefully I'll find something better soon, because I'm starting to HATE it now.

There's always someone in the family...

that would be considered the black sheep.,whether it's the bum who has 3 different children by 3 women or the family memeber who sells drugs. I have a lot of that in my family. My mom has 3 brothers(my mom and my uncle Darren have the same father, my uncle John has another, and my uncle Don doesn't even know who is father is) and surprisingly being the only INDEPENDENT person in her imediate family, she came out all right. 2 out of 3 of my uncles have both been in and out of jail since I can remember, both have families, and both have been arrested for selling drugs and domestic abuse. I never could understand why a man would beat his wife, especially since they were raised by my grandmother,but then again, I blame her for most of their problems because she wasn't exactly mother material. Not blaming her for what they did because they, like all people, made a choice between right and wrong, and chose wrong. I blame her because of the way they are...lazy, dependent and abusive. Currently, both my uncles Darren and John are in jail. My uncle Darren has 3 kids, I only know two because those are his wife's children, the the 3rd is a product of adultery. My uncle called my mom a lot, and for awhile she would pick up the phone, but now she ignores it when she sees the caller id. I don't know if it's because the phone bill was getting high, or because the situation was wearing down on her emotionally, and she's JUST getting over my grandparent's death (my grandfather died in 01 and my grandmother died in 03, and then my grandfather's wife whom my mom was close with died in 04). Well whoa and behold today, my aunt calls to tell my mom that my brother is getting worse (he has a bad case of diabetes,and doesn't take care of himself at all i.e. takes his insulin ONLY when his feet start to hurt, drinks lots of alcohol, does drugs). He's sicker than usual, so much that he's had a few seizures. Not to paint a grim picture, but that's exactly how my grandfather was right before he died. It's almost like reliving his death again, but despite the toll my uncle's actions have on my family, I love him to death. Then my aunt goes on to say how she doesn't have any money, she's barely making ends meet living check to check, and it's hard taking care of Sydni and Darren Jr. My cousin Sydni was just diagnosed with a compulsive disorder, and my aunt has asked my mom if she could take Sydni in. My mom is kind of skeptical about this, because my mom doesn't have babies anymore, I was about to move out, Whitney's staying on UNO's campus, and Amber is about to be a junior in high school. On top of that, my mom just got a promotion yesterday, and was offered another job in Denver, which she is most likely going to take. I on the other hand am up for the idea of having her come stay with us. It would help my aunt out a lot, and probably help relieve whatever stress my uncle Darren is going through, and hopefully he'll get better (the infirmary in the prison sucks). I remember when my dad left us right after my mom found out she was pregnant, my mom couldn't even afford to keep Amber after she was born and sent her to live with my grandfather and his wife, so I know what's going through. I just hope everything falls into place.

Just one of them days...

Has anyone just had one of those days where they're meant to be spent in bed watching Maury's typical paternity test episodes or Divorce Court all day? Ok, that's going to be my day today. My day started off at 6 this morning with my mother coming into my room looking for my car keys because she had to get something out of my car (why the hell she needed something out of my car is beyond me). I was beyond livid because I had to be to work for 8:30, so those 2 extra hours I had planned on sleeping to get a full 6 hours of sleep...didn't go as planned. So I got up, took my shower, started washing my hair and realized my sister used all of my Aussi conditioner, which means I have that shampooy feeling hair, clean but not quite soft enough like the conditioner makes it. Then, I went to put on these earings that mom gave me, only to find out that one is missing. I'm kinda PMSy right now so I was damn near tears when I couldn't find the other match. So I was like ok, I'm not going earingless to work, so I go to put on the PRINCESS DIAMOND CUT earings he bought my last month, just to DROP the back of the earing. I was no longer felt like crying, I was mad, because the back is a special back and belongs to JUST those earings, so I couldn't substitute for another. I had to go to work with freakin Pocahontas pigtails because I didn't have any conditioner so I couldn't style my hair, and ears with no earings making me look like an 8 year old. So anywho, my mom left at 7 for a business trip, which leaves Whitney and I sharing my car. Her class is for 8, I work for 8:30, but I'll be damned if I gotta wait around just to get in the building, because my managers are NEVER on time. So my sister drops me off, well, more like waits with me because they AREN'T on time. 8:30 rolls around, and no one is still there. So I decide I'll just bring Whitney to class, she'll just have to wait 2 hours for her next class at school because the initial plan was she drops me off, and takes me to work so she could have my car. So, I drop Whitney off, and get lost on UNO's campus (damn detours!), wasting 5 minutes just to find my way back on to the main road. Whitney calls me 7 minutes after I drop her off to tell me that her class was CANCELLED, but I'm over the bridge now and I wasn't turning around, despite the fact that both of my managers were not on time this morning, I was already LATE. Well, when I finally get to work at 8:50, my managers realize (thanx to Bitchy McBitch Bitch) they schedule too many people to work today. I'm like wtf when I get SENT HOME. If that ain't the icing on the cake. Too make matters worse this guy nearly side swiped my behind off the road, and I think one of my tires is going to be FLAT soon. So here I am now writing this post. The only good thing about my morning so far (and probably will be the ONLY good thing today), was that the retarded people at McDonald's put an extra hashbrown in the bag on accident, and my OJ was actually cold :)

The usual...

I don't think some people understand what off-limits mean. I don't know, maybe some people just don't care that you're in a relationship, or maybe they're just that cocky. No means no, not maybe, not yes, why can't some stupid people get that through their thick heads. I think I could a write a book on my life, and it would be a bestseller.

Donald has agreed to come with me to go stand in line with all the crazy white people (I guess that makes me a crazy black person) at the bookstore on Friday night/Saturday morning to go out and buy the much anticipated 6th installment of Harry Potter. Last time I went it was me and Lauren, and we had soooooooo much fun, despite the fact that we were in line for almost 2.5 hours.

Aaron and I have been talking A LOT lately, and the other day he was damn near close to signing up with the marines like a big dummy because he and his girlfriend got into a "spat". I could sense that he wanted me to tell him to stay and give him a "reason" not to leave...in other words me. When I told him about staying with my aunt Jackie in Cali, he almost talked me out of leaving (which is still up in the air). There wasn't much I could say about him signing up for the marines, but just because he and his dumb girlfriend got into a fight was no reason to sign your life away to a government that you can't trust.

Long overdue...

Last Saturday at work, I received flowers from an anonymous person...no name, just a nice little note that said

I don't come here that often but when I saw you I fell in love. You keep my coming back.

So I can't possibly thank the nice guy who sent me such nice flowers...and in my favorite color. You'll have to excuse the pictures, I used my crappy Verizon camera phone.

The usual randonmess from my mind

Why is Delgetto so stupid?! I mean, a college can't possibly be stupid, but in this case, this college is f'ing stupid. And I mean stupid! 3 weeks ago they deposited $320.17 into my bank account for a class that was cancelled...today, they deposited another $654 into my account. This money is tempting! I don't need $900 dollars in my account that doesn't belong to me because I will spend it!!!! Really tho...this is just more stress on my head, because now I have to go to Delgado, go through this whole process so they CAN send the money back, and then make sure that they didn't DROP the class on my transcripts because it was simply CANCELLED...dumb asses.


I am in this serious slump where I don't want to go to work anymore...like at all. I go home early if the opportunity arises (I know my next check will look like shit because I keep going home) but I just can't stand to be there anymore. I would rather stay home with him and cuddle and kiss and have sex all day than work at that hell hole...ok maybe not have sex all day...


I'm so glad that Essence is over with, that means that mom's company is LEAVING, finally. I don't mean to be rude, but some people just wear out their welcome before they even settle in...just messing up the daily routine with their presence is annoying!

Why Des why did you leave us ::sniff:: (LIP- live in peace)I hope you find your way...and find your way back, you'll be missed :)

Why is Gian MIA all of a sudden...you're girlfriend leaves and you just up and disappear on us dude...we're still here retard! The little people waving at you! Look down by your feet, you might still see some of your friends (c:

War of the Worlds sucked!

Graphix were nice, acting superb, but why Steven why? There was no point to this movie, and I spent most of the time wanting to slap cute little Dakota Fanning and the no-name actor who played her brother. God did this movie sucked,this movie had more suckage than Paris Hilton on a good night (keep in mind, I actually LIKE Paris Hilton), even Morgan Freeman's voice in the beginning and the ending of the movie didn't help. Did anyone else besides myself know that the woman who plays Tom Cruise's pregnant X-wife was the same chick who played Eowyn in LOTR, you know, the chick who wasn't in the book but put in her the movie to make it more dramatic?

I was going through my old Live Journal, reading all of my old post, and I realize how far I've come. It was such an emotional roller coaster for me last year, I can't believe that I'm actually the same person. Looking at this blog, and comparing it to the my livejournal, I've matured A LOT. I also think that my "change" had a lot to do with outside influence. Looking at WHO I use to deal with, and why I continued to let them poison my life like they did, it was only I to blame. I knew what they were capable of, and yet I didn't get rid of them. I really could've used some Bitch-B-Gone spray last year (for guys and girls!). Granted, I was 19 years old last year, so my mentality was...young (who knew I went from a kid to a woman in 1 year). But that's the good thing about change, there's always room for self-improvement. It's easier for me now to point out the flaws in my character and change them.


Diggs,you were so right. I know the only reason why I wanted to say that was to hurt my dad like he's hurt me, but sometimes I have to be the bigger person because like you said, they can't be. There is no need to ever stoop down to my father's level and try get back at him, that would only be a temporary fix, and still wouldn't fix shit. I would still feel the absence, the pain that he's caused over the years, the physical, mental, and emotional scars that still don't seem to heal with time. I think maybe one day, I will be able to forgive my father, but that day will be a long time from now.