I was going through my old Live Journal, reading all of my old post, and I realize how far I've come. It was such an emotional roller coaster for me last year, I can't believe that I'm actually the same person. Looking at this blog, and comparing it to the my livejournal, I've matured A LOT. I also think that my "change" had a lot to do with outside influence. Looking at WHO I use to deal with, and why I continued to let them poison my life like they did, it was only I to blame. I knew what they were capable of, and yet I didn't get rid of them. I really could've used some Bitch-B-Gone spray last year (for guys and girls!). Granted, I was 19 years old last year, so my mentality was...young (who knew I went from a kid to a woman in 1 year). But that's the good thing about change, there's always room for self-improvement. It's easier for me now to point out the flaws in my character and change them.


Diggs,you were so right. I know the only reason why I wanted to say that was to hurt my dad like he's hurt me, but sometimes I have to be the bigger person because like you said, they can't be. There is no need to ever stoop down to my father's level and try get back at him, that would only be a temporary fix, and still wouldn't fix shit. I would still feel the absence, the pain that he's caused over the years, the physical, mental, and emotional scars that still don't seem to heal with time. I think maybe one day, I will be able to forgive my father, but that day will be a long time from now.