Ok I feel guilty...

I was on the computer, and I came across this note book. When I opened it, there we a few poems in it. So I started reading. I recgonized my sister's handwriting, and instantly felt bad because I never knew she was interested in writing. Then the poems changed into a journal, and yes, I feel guilty because I read one entry. I feel as if I don't know my sister, I never would have known she has low self-esteem, or that she contemplated suicide. Just from this one entry I can see she was going through a lot, nothing that she's ever discussed with me or Whitney. Most of what she wrote about what how unhappy she was, and how much my mother hurts her (not physically). I can only sympathize with her because I can almost relate to how she feels when it comes to my mom. I won't lie and say that our home is a happy home. We do have our ups and downs, more than I like. I've noticed over the past few months that my mom's "depression" has become more obvious, because when she is angry or upset, she usually takes it out on me. I'm use to it, 5 years ago I let her run over me, but now I stand my ground. When that happens, she turns to someone else she can push around that won't push back, and that's usually Amber. Amber told me yesterday that she wanted to go live with my step-father. When I asked her why, she just said she doesn't want to live in New Orleans anymore. I believed her, because we all said we'd move out of state in a second if we could. But she was afraid to bring it up to my mom because knowing mother dearest, she'll probably have this nasty attitude and hold it against Amber. I'm afraid to say anything to Amber because it's pretty clear from reading her journal that she's emotionally unstable, but if I don't say anything, then it'll probably just get worse. I'm going to talk with Whitney before I say anything tho, she and I could probably talk to Amber together...well enough of the sad stuff...on to something that's been on my mind...


JAMES. And no, not in a good way. I did a post awhile ago, it was more like a declaration, or an explanation, whatever, I was just venting because his skull is thick enough to crack concrete. I thought it was the actually ending of James and I, I mean, in my life, he doesn't exist. I've moved on, I have a boyfriend that I'm falling in love with. James is never on my mind, until today. This dude is bitter. According to a friend of mine, and it's hearsay , first he asked if she's seen me lately, and according to her, she just rolled her eyes. Then he makes a comment:if I had known about Quinn, I would have never been involved with her. I'm like wtf? What do you mean if you had known about me, I mean, from another point of view, it sounds like I have some kind of disease that I've gotten from being promiscuous or something. Is he really that upset that I didn't consider being with him anymore? I don't going around telling people bad things about him. Whatever, that dude is a loser. He just needs to get over himself. He's almost as arrogant as my sperm donor, they should be together and bless the world with their lameness.