My family will officially be split up next week. Whitney's in Pueblo, Amber will be going by my step-father who also has my dogs in Alabama, and then it'll just be and my mom. I think I'm just becoming numb to the idea now, because it's like I don't feel anything anymore. When the levees broke again today in the 9th ward, all I could think was atleast no one is there, trapped in their attics. Am I worried about my house anymore? No, I've seen pictures of the damage done in Chimney Wood, they'll defintely have to re-build. The second floor wasn't touched, but by the time we're actually able to get out there and salvage whatever I'm sure the mildew and mold will have been taken over by then. I've decided to not take the job at Lady Foot Locker, I really don't have the patience for the training...so I'll be doing nothing for the next 4 months...unless my mom makes me get a job, which I doubt since we're well taken care of. I really wanted to go back and help "volunteer" or something, but my mom told me no. Funny, I'll be 21 in a week and I'm still being told what to do like I'm 7.

My dad I think has finally started to come around. It kind of pissed me off that him being threatened about being thrown in jail was what it took. Supposedly he's tired of running...and he's settled down and just wants to live his life, so he'll be paying back almost $85,000 in child support to my mother. I don't believe a word of it, he'll pay something, but not $85,000. I don't words could describe how I feel about him now, sure I long to have the father I never had, but at the same time, it just pains me because he chose someone else. I want to forgive him, but that'll take time. I've accepted that he will never be the father he should have been.

I talk to Gerald tonight. He and I've been friends for a long time, so when he called I was happy to hear from him. He's the only person I know that didn't evacuate New Orleans. He told me his experiences. Strange how I see it on TV and I feel sorry for all those people, but actually hearing it explained in detail brought tears to my eyes. He told me that most people who evacuated are worrying about their houses...he said he was glad that he had a bed to sleep in at night, because he slept along the interstate, and that he had water now, because he was drinking from bottles littered along the road. It touched me, because I was one of those people who were concerned about their house. It's depressing that people had to go into survival mode after the storm hit. It's depressing that so many people died because the levees failed, and even more upsetting that some of those levees were breached on purpose. I'm tired of people criticizing Nagin and Blanco, I'm tired of Bush and his phony smile and wave, I'm tired of the tensions mounting up Houston. It's all so frustrating. And now Rita is about to hit Texas...I don't know about anyone else, but I'm hating life right about now. I'm not suicidal or anything, I'm just feeling really down. I didn't think things could get much worse, but things are about to get that much worse.

Reasons why.....

... I can't live with a man. Now don't get me wrong, I won't generalize the entire male population, but damn, some men are so triflin. Let me explain. We're staying in a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom suite in Northern Houston. So that leaves my mom and Kenny staying in one room, and Amber, he and I staying in another. Now I'm not a neat freak, but I do like a certain level of organization...with that said, I'm so sick and tired of cleaning up after him. It's driving me up the wall! Literally, I feel like his mother fussing at him about something so trivial as picking up after himself. I won't say anything about Kenny, I'm not sharing a room with him therefore I don't care about his area, but walking through the room he shares with my mother isn't that much better than mine. I won't even go into great detail about the bathroom, but I can tell you that the toilet seat was left up countless times, more times than I care to remember. It's already bad enough this hotel is ghetto, and it smells like piss, but to add on to the smell and ghettoness is just plain irritating. I can not wait until we get out of this hotel and I can have a room of my own, and the only person I have to worry about picking up after is myself.

Despite the drama that's been going on in the past 3 weeks (i.e. Hurricane Katrina, being bit by a dog, and then the car accident yesterday) things are FINALLY starting to look better...way better. The job interview went beautifully, and the lady who did the interview said in more or less words I had the job. She asked me what I really wanted to do, because she said with my experience, and the fact that I applied for full-time, she can train me as a manager. Now there is a pro and a con to this. She could train me a manager, I'd finally get the management experience, and when we MOVE BACK, I can re-locate to one of the Foot Lockers in New Orleans. The benefits were nice, and the set salary was even nicer. However, because of the hectic hours, and because of the devastation in the southern areas, I would not be able to go to school. I only have a year and half left...I'm most likely just going to work part-time and find another job...that is until school starts. I haven't decided where I'm going to go next semester, but I need to start looking.

My dad is suppose to be going to New Orleans in a week or two. He's going to try and help out the hospitals out there, but I'm hoping he could stop by my house and see the extent of the damage. After the flood gates opened near Downman, we received a maximum of 9.5 feet of water, that's what the manager of Chimney Wood said anyway. So our first floor is gone, but I just want to know if our top floor is ok. I talked to Rayanne the other day, not only did water cover the roof of her house, but someone stole anything and everything worth stealing. I felt so bad for her...even as she told me she has literally nothing to go back to but a mud soaked home, I just couldn't help feeling so much doubt.

Finally...

I have a job interview tomorrow at Lady Foot Locker. How ironic is it that the manager of the store is an evacuee as well? Hopefully I'll get the job, cuz I am flat broke. I received my last check from The Grand today, it was only $329...I can't complain, atleast it's something...Oh God how could I forget!? I got into a fender bender earlier today...and it was my fault! I couldn't believe it either...the hood of my car is damaged :( and it even sounds funny...where I'm going to find the money to get it repaired I dunno...My dad has made it an effort to talk to Amber and I more often(I won't say Whitney because she won't answer the phone when he calls). He wants to "help" as much as he can...we'll see how long that last. Maybe I should call him and ask for money to get my car fixed...Becky (my car) had a few dents and scratches before...but the hood is a gone!

He evacuated with us...and being together damn near the whole time is really a test on our relationship. We're fighting more often now over stupid stuff, snapping at eachother, it's starting to drive me crazy. But he's about to leave in a few weeks to start school...again, so I have to enjoy the little time we have left together because the next time we see eachother probably won't be until next year.

My mom is so indecisive right now. I don't blame her. We're in a situation where we have no choice but to take things day by day. So I have to understand better why she's so much more frustrated and irritable. My aunt and uncle are still in New Orleans. But they're fine. My uncle bought two generators, and has 3 refrigerators full of food and AC. Amazing...because he lives right down the street from St.Aug on Miro street. I think they might be living better than us...I only say that because atleast they're at home. I took so much for granted, and this hurricane has opened my eyes. I've never been through anything this bad...I've been through tornadoes, blizzards, even a mini earth quake...but never a hurricane.

We left Jess and Twinkie with my step-father in Alabama. I was heartbroken. It was then it really hit me that this hurricane changed our lives completely. I can only imagine what the other evacuees must've felt, how they suffered so much. A whole city displaced...where do we go from here? My mom and her many ideas are sending us all over the country. I was told today to look up apartments in Colorado. Ironic, so ironic that we leave Colorado to be closer to family, only for our family to be all over the America and for us to go back. So after doing my research, I've come across three apartments, 1 in Aurora and 2 in Colorado Springs. I doubt any of the information I give to my mom will do any good, like I said, she doesn't know what she wants to do. The longer she waits, the longer Whitney, Amber and I sit out of school. The longer she waits, we will be without jobs and a stable place to stay. The longer she waits, it's 3 hour less drive back to New Orleans when they let us back into the city.

I've come across pictures, satellite pictures of New Orleans. And while most of it is split up in certain parts, and it took me forever to locate my own house, I'm happy to know that my house only got a few feet of flooding. You can even see the cars and the windows...

At the moment we're in Sunnyvale Texas, which is like 10 miles outside of Dallas. It's basically nothing but land, we're staying in the guest house that belongs to one of my "rich" cousins...pretty comfortable living...but it's not the same as home. I've gotten tired of watching the news. The coverage is making me frustrated, and some how eventho this is a natural disaster...politics seem to be playing a big part. I've been looking on the net for days for satellite pictures of the east, and from what I'm seeing, my house got 2-4 feet of flooding. Not bad, considering that the flood gates near Downman magically opened up by themselves...I smell a conspiracy. If anyone would like to know what their house may look like as of Sept. 2nd...here's the link http://ngs.woc.noaa.gov/katrina/KATRINA0000.HTM . The tricky thing about this link is that you have to know exactly where you're located, otherwise you'll end up some place else. I played around with it for a few hours, like Gian said, Eastover is underwater, but Six Flags is still intact...strange huh?

I have no words...

for the past week I've been through one emotional roller-coaster. I've felt every possibly emotion there could possibly be, cried more tears than a river could ever hold. And yet, I come out realizing how blessed me and my family are. It wasn't until I saw the images of what is left of what these out-of-towners call "Eastern New Orleans" that I had a strong hold on to my material "possessions". Things that I thought I should have packed but didn't, most likely under water, but who knows since no one has been in the real Eastern part of New Orleans. I don't care what is lost in my home anymore, it's not important. It's important that Sunday night at 3 am my mother decided to leave the underwater city, because if we hadn't, I would be on top of my roof. My heart goes out to them, it saddens me to see all of these helpless people (well...not helpless anymore as of today) suffering. We'll be moving to Houston in a few days, where a house will be waiting for us (that's a post for another day). I want to thank everyone that checked up on me, I appreciate it. I'm glad to hear that Diggs and Gian are doing ok as well. I'm not sure when I'll get access to a computer again, so my post might be far inbetween.