Girls hate me...

I'm not that popular in the female department, never really have been...and if I'm friends with another girl's boyfriend, she hates me...and guess what, I. Don't. Care. :)


So anywho, my mom and I each have a brand new bottle of mace, for protection of course...


I saw my dad today for the first time in 6 years...and the whole time he talked...or his wife talked for him, I couldn't help but WANT to reach into my purse and spray both of them in the eyes...this is the same man who would undress me and my sister's at the police station when they exchanged us each week, just because my mom asked him to return the clothes she sent with us...this is the same man that hit on my cousin Laurie when Whitney was only 1...this is the same man who's lied to me over and over again when I was 5 just to try and turn me against my "evil" mommy......this is also the same man that sat outside my house today waiting for me and my mom to come home and scared the sh*t out of us...hence the mace-funny, that's the actual color of the mace. We preferred a gun, but not much luck there, so we had to learn how to hold the mace can right so not to spray in our eyes.
After all this time, the pain and the anger is still there. And instead of wanting answers (b/c I know I won't get them) I just want to inflict pain on him, just so he can see how it feels to be abandoned, to grow up without a father, to hurt his mother like he hurt mine. That's horrible, I know...but hopefully...and yes, I mean it when I said hopefully because I am hoping, that when he goes to his hearing on December 8th-that is if he doesn't run again, that the judge sentences him to prison, and he becomes someone's bitch.