I know I've neglecting this blog...

and I have a few posts, more serious posts that I need to finish. I'm not even sure why I resorted to writing in my myspace blog. Most of the journals I already have written down or saved as a draft are really angry posts, and I decided not to share some of those because it's just a reminded of how angry I've become over the past year. I will say I feel my relationships with my family are slowly changing. I find myself avoiding my sisters because I find one incredibly selfish, and the other an outright bitch. Whitney has dropped the news on the family that's she moving in with her boyfriend of 3 months. Keep in mind my sister is only 19. My mom is already stressed out because of the insurance company and then moving back to nothing. My mom is so pissed about it, but not much she can do except cut her off financially. Now, the deal with Whitney COULD HAVE BEEN is that she remains at CSU, and stay at the dorms instead of the apartments she was living in so the cost for housing wouldn't be so high. BUT NO. WHITNEY is not easily satisfied apparently, and decides to go to the community college in Colorado Springs. But again, instead of staying in the rooms they offer there, she decides to get an apartment...with her boyfriend. You would think she would use better judgement, but Whitney is not the brightest tool in the shed, and I say that with love. My mom has already expressed her opinion on the subject, and all that has done is basically created a rift in their relationship. So my mom doesn't say anything else. Whitney is on her own, and if she and her boyfriend break up (he is the bread winner here because he has a stable job with the Armed Forces), she will be on her own...literally. Then there's Amber. If there was a word for spoiled, it would be her name. Lately she's had this nasty attitude where if Amber doesn't get her way, Amber doesn't want to play. I've never seen anyone who has everything be so ugly. I hate the way she talks to my mom and the way she treats our family. She says inappropriate things that would cause someone to slap the teeth out of her mouth. But my mom instead throws money at her so she doesn't have to deal with her attitude. Personally, I'll tell my sister to go fuck herself and have a nice day because I'm at point where I don't care. What comes around goes around, and the upside of having my own place is that I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis. If she calls, I don't have to answer the phone, if she says one thing to me that offends me, all I have to do is tell her to get the hell out of my house and find a way home. That's how bad it has gotten with my relationship with her. My mom is a different story. My mom is is starting to piss me off because she feels that because I have so much idle time on my hands, I should find something to do-like her homework. I mean, it was bad enough I had my own shit to take care of, and then she drops her homework and her term paper on me. (Why not have your spoiled child do it for you, after all, she does owe you for allowing her to have a kitten) Why you ask? Because she has other things to take care of on a daily basis. My response, drop the fucking class then. I'm not going to earn your degree for you, it's not fair to ask me to do your term paper or chapters of your homework when I have my own school work to worry about. I've tutored her in math, in accounting, and english...that's the help I've given her.But instead of asking me, she throws her assignments at me, WTF are you thinking!?

OK...rant over

As my trip to New Orleans draws near, I find myself getting nervous. My mother has informed me this trip will decide if we will be moving back this summer. And I am so hoping that nothing goes wrong, because we already know the city is in shambles. We turned in our ballots last week, all of us who could vote voted for Watson. Personally I don't think Nagin is doing enough for our city, and what is being done is irrelevant at this point, in my opinion anyway. So I'm hoping that while we're down there, my mom will see a reason to come back. The only upside to getting out of Colorado is that I will be gone for most of the month of May. When we get back to Colorado, we hop on a flight the same day to California for my cousin Quynn's graduation from med school, and then after that Florida for a long over due family vacation. So it will be a busy busy month, and I'll have pictures to share.

Anon

To the real Anon:You must have misunderstood. See, I know very well that a storm did wipe out the first floor of my house,simply because water sat down there for 21 days, however, it could have been rebuilt by tearing down the walls and rebuilding from there. You must not be aware that the flood maps came out last week( provided by FEMA who waited damn near 5 months to get them out so people can decide what they wanted to do, so THANX TO FEMA and their BS 3 feet needed to raise my home when my house is already 5 feet below sea level), and everything in my area must be torn down to be rebuilt, otherwise you will not get flood insurance. And since you've made such a smart ass comment, you might want to know it cost a lot $$MORE$$ to tear down than to rebuild, so next time, say something with a little more substance.

To Lady.Bug, you're comments are always appreciated, and thanks for the support :)

Back to Reality

I've come to grips that I will have to start over elsewhere. Going back home is not really an option at this point, thanks to FEMA and I've accepted that. As much as I would love to return home, I've realized there is nothing to return to. My house will have to be torn down to be rebuilt, and there is no guarantee that something of this magnitude won't happen again. This ordeal has tested my strength in more ways than one, and at one point in time I faltered. I felt as though I couldn't go on, couldn't live my life like I thought it should have been. I went through a few pages of the diary I write in, and I was so badly off. I couldn't believe what I was reading was what I wrote; I couldn't believe I was THAT person. I've never been at such a low point in life; I've always been able to pick myself back up and fix the broken pieces in my life, and for once, I couldn't. I guess that makes me human. I'm still trying to "bounce back", but it's not easy. There are days when I still feel the need to cry, but I do it less now. Life is and always will be an ever learning experience, and what I've learned is that in this crisis is how fortunate I am to even be alive, to be able to live my life.

So I've realized...

my life isn't all that interesting enough to blog about it. That's horrible I know. But in other disappointing news, my mom tells me don't be upset if we can't move back in June. And at first I THOUGHT I didn't hear her, but when she repeated herself, my heart just kinda dropped. So much for an eventful summer right? It really sucks cuz I had already started planning out the year and started applying for jobs down there and had my school schedule all set up to where I could graduate next year. I try not to think about how depressing it is, just because everytime I do I get upset with my mom because she's use to the good living. I'm like whatever, sell yourself out for a few shopping centers, but that's just the brat in me talking. If I have a chance to go out there by myself I will. I don't have the funds for it right now, but when I do I won't rely on my mother's indecisive mind that will make you or break you.

A Family Outing at Bayou Bob's

So the family and I (including the boyfriend and Kenny-my mom's boyfriend, or man friend who also paid for the $130 tab) went to this knock off New Orleans restaurant called Bayou Bob's. And everything was so gooooooood, it almost felt like home (even the service was kinda crappy). We each had something different so we could sample eachother's food LOL, crawfish was good, the po boy was good, hell, even the GUMBO was good. It was just nice to be with my family, and eat really good food. We spent most of the time just laughing and joking, especially at people trying to eat crawfish (they didn't suck the heads and were trying to suck the meat out of the tail LMAO).